Art or Die
One of the most impactful psychological studies that I have ever read followed individuals upon their deathbed. Many questions were asked to these patients in the twilight of their lives. The most profound question was, “What is your biggest regret in life?”. Not because of the weight of such questions. Rather, because the most common answer is vitally important to the shaping of personal meaning in our own lives.
“I wish I would have been more myself.”
I have reached a point in my life where there is little left to pursue outside of this authenticity. This Self. Perhaps it is a blessing. Perhaps a curse. That at the core of my nature is a tireless need to create. I have been pulled, as have we all, by the threads of society for the entirety of my life. Countless times I have tried to conform, to adjust, to adapt to the demands of a normal life. To take my essence and plant it firmly within that etched urn which is labeled Should. You should take this job, you should have stayed in school and pursued academics, you shouldn’t do that it’s too risky, you should save your money, you should just give up already.
Following the footfalls of that dreaded word should, has left nothing but a hollowness inside of me. And there is a scream that echoes in the gut of that chamber. In my gut. Gnawing. Begging to be let out. I can never put a name on that elusive urge. I just know that it is there. That it is some deep unspeakable Truth from within myself that I must sacrifice my time and energy towards.
Even so, there is a beauty in being seated so firmly in the seat of one’s authentic self. Despite all of the unnecessary pain, heartache, and uncertainty. A pride is nestled there. A pride that casts light upon the soul and lifts us up from the darkness. A pride from the possessing of one’s Self. For the Self is the one thing that can never be taken from us. Not be any means. The only way it is lost is when it is given.
Pride gets a bad rap. Primarily for it’s Luciferian connotations in western society. Indeed, when pride is coupled with arrogance, narcissism, and naivety it can become twisted. A malformed presence of its former self. Yet such ill bedfellows will tarnish any glister. A pride couched in determination, self-sacrifice, and authenticity? This is a virtue all its own. A personal light. One stolen from the gods as Prometheus before. For is this not where we go when we delve deep inside ourselves? The tomb of the Old Gods. Plundering for forgotten treasures and Truths of the soul. Garnering for a light that we may bring back to the surface?
I aim to keep making that delve into the deep recesses of my subconscious. To dance down there in the dark. Leave what light I may and bring what I can back to share with the world.
I aim to create in a place that exists beyond notions of good or bad. To transcend that old tribal relativism at the root of it all. To dare to make a go of it without selling my soul to the almighty dollar and to spit on societal shoulds.
I aim to create meaning through art. To encourage others to do the same.
I aim to do this until the day that I die.
For this is who I am. Truly.
I ask you now,
Who are you?
Wes
